I know the Japandroids. I’ve known them longer then you, I was there. I saw them at Shuba’s with my cousin while you were applying for a position at Urban Outfitters. Yeah, they were cool.
The thing about that night that’s sad, the thing that still sticks with me, we were the oldest people in the room, including the band. A few years after Album of the Year Post-Nothing, Japandroids are back with their new LP, Celebration Rock. I think about that night….so long ago – I think about the party that the concert was, I really think that’s what their music is all about.
Celebration Rock doesn’t open with guitars or drums, it opens with fireworks…..it ends with them too. Then we’re off to the Nights of Wine and Roses- ”Long live tonight and we’re still drinking,” the words that open the album say a lot about the mindset of these guys when they recorded this album. It’s about being young and getting older.
But more importantly, their work is so great because they’re aware of it. The aging, I mean. There’s something to say about getting older, you get some wisdom, you know things, how to behave. Not to get off the point, but I know everyone is waiting to hear about what I thought about the album and I know you’re not going to buy it ’til you get my feedback, but please allow me to digress.
Twenty one year-olds should not be allowed to listen to good music……well, no, they can listen to whatever they want, fuck, they should. Music saved my shit. They should not be allowed to go and see the bands they love in public unless they get an IQ test.
My pretend girlfriend, Mary Pearson
I love the High Places, Mary Person is my pretend-girlfriend. I love her true, and I love her dearly. This goddess of a women had the decency to perform for me at Shubas. She was great, her hair was so Bavarian, like a strudel, like a Bavarian strudel to be snacked upon, such a dish.
God, I would give anything to taste upon her vagina. Anything!! Anyway, these fucking shits, little brat assholes with skinny jeans and tight ass shirts spend the whole performance dancing around like epileptic children in need of a insulin shot.
Now dancing at a show is fine, I do it all the time, but not at the High Places!! Not there, baby!! No, at a High Places concert one must hug oneself and gently rock back and forth as you quietly think about how glorious it will be to jerk off later.
Then after every song they screamed “Play Stardust to Sentence!” That’s only their must popular song – their gonna play it. Duh! After the show they rushed the stage and scared my Mary (’cause she’s such a gentle lil’ doe) and ruined my chance to woo her and force her to be my real girlfriend. Guess what happened after that, guess what one of the little shits had the balls to say? He folded his arms and said, “We were the only ones having fun, everyone else was SO not into it.” Oh shit! That’s right, that’s what he said. Needless to say I put every one of those little twinkle shits right in their place. Like a man does, NOT some little kid.
I bet Mary smells really good after a shower, like right after, when her skin is still wet and clean, and when she’s drying off you can see the little girlish peach fuzz of hair on her arms. And her breasts, there rocking back and forth cause she’s drying off her body, drying her legs, she bends over drying her legs. Then she gets dressed and we do the New York Times crossword together. After that we go to the farmer’s market (she’s really healthy) and she wants me to start eating better, ’cause she loves me so much. Then we go home and eat a salad, then I fuck her in the butt……where was I?….Oh, yeah. Yeah, so the Japandroids…yeah their new album’s great!!!! Not my album of the year, but at least in the top ten.