The title of this blog can be interpreted several ways.  You might be thinking that too many of our teachers are going to prison.  Or, you may be thinking that more young people are going to prison because the schools are failing them.

Kids who don’t finish school are more likely to go to prison, and if the schools had more teachers maybe more kids would finish school.  That’s probably true, but where are you going to get more teachers?  Teachers cost money.  Not a lot of money, but enough money to make it somewhat expensive.  Plus, the schools that need the best teachers can only attract the really awful teachers because teaching at those schools is like working in a prison.  Hmmm… there’s an idea! Why not free up some space at the prisons and let the criminals help out in the classroom?!

You may think I’m joking, but one or two hardened criminals in each classroom may be just what our overwhelmed teachers need.

Imagine how teachers could get more control of the class if instead of saying, “If you can’t calm down and get to work , I’ll have to assign everything as homework,” they said, “If you can’t calm down and get to work, the scary guy with the tattoos is going to start sticking his shiv in your spines.“

Schools need all the help they can get.  I’m not saying that the prisoners should actually teach the students! That would be crazy! Hahaha!  All I’m saying is to let some aging gang warlords run literary circles, or let the nonviolent offenders grade history papers.

The real concern is whether or not working in schools would be better for the inmates than being incarcerated.  In prison, when the inmates are acting unruly and can’t be controlled the guards have teargas, billy clubs and shotguns filled with bean bags.  In a school, when the children are acting unruly and can’t be controlled the teacher has the option to use a “stern voice,” offer empty threats and flicking the lights on and off.  There’s a good chance that prisoners will probably opt for the relative order and security of their jail cell than to try controlling the chaotic, vulgar environment of a 7th/8th grade gym class.

I’m only trying to help the schools save money and do what’s best for our children.  And clearly those criminals aren’t learning anything in prison.  If we don’t make any changes soon, there’s a good chance most of our children will end up in prison anyway.