Crass Sophisticate

As I write this, our deadline is about to pass for making our goal on Kickstarter.  Like a family movie, zero-hour is approaching and most likely the orphanage will be closed and demolished so the evil oil tycoons can build their parking lot.  Are we bitter? Upset? Horny? A little bit, not because we didn’t make our goal, but because there are so many other projects out there that completely surpassed their goals.

I mean, who looks at these, sees that they’re 1,000% passed their goal and decides, “Yeah, they could use some more money.”

That would be like us asking for a measly $150 and receiving $1500.  What does the person do with all that extra money?

Yeah, so maybe our project was a little stupid.  E-books? Really? Do you really think that’s going to help Crass Sophisticate get noticed? Becoming another self-published book in a sea of self-published crap? Fine, lesson learned.  Also, I imagine many people saw our comic book and were horribly offended.

So here’s the breakdown of what I learned from Kickstarter and hopefully next time we’ll do better.

1. Think Big.  Kickstarter rewards the bold.  Also, since backers get to keep their money if the goal isn’t met, many back projects they think will never make it to like big shots.

2. Spend some time on the video.  It seems like most of the projects that do well have skinny nerds talking to the camera, pleading their case and welling up with tears as they profess how they’ve put their soul into the project.  Drama pays off huge.

3. Rewards, Rewards, Rewards.  Do you think people give out of the goodness of their hearts?  Fuck, no!  People give to receive, NPR knows it – that’s why they talk so much about their stupid magazine subscriptions during pledge drives.  Offer rewards and lots of them.  Different rewards for different amounts given.  Give $5, get a t-shirt.  Give $500 dollars, I’ll suck your cock.

4. Updates.  Be careful.  Too many updates and your backers will get pissed about filling up their inbox.  Updates should have meaning because for the most part, only the backers will see them.  Which brings me to number 5….

Fuck Infusion!

5.  The Project Plan.  Any investor wants to see credentials, they want proof you’re not going to take their money and spend it on anal lubricants.  Be professional and carefully explain how the money will be spent.

6. Don’t count On Kickstarter.  Kickstarter really wants people to see that projects get funding, so just like the American department of education, they talk a lot about all the projects that don’t need any more money, and very little about the projects that are underfunded.  I had to search hard to find projects that were short.  The homepage will show you staff picks (all over-funded), your location, (mostly over-funded) and Popular (obviously over-funded).

7. Advertise. Peddle that smut, you whore! Just like a boy scout, rookie insurance agent and a strung-out heroin addict – you’re going to have to ask your friends for money.  That’s the best way to prime the pot.  Use that social media shit everyone’s been talking about.

7. Back other projects.  I really thought this would work.  Since you’re not allowed to donate to yourself, find other projects and donate to them.  If they’re cool, they’ll donate to your project.  And if they’re dicks, pull your donation out at the last minute.

8. It’s still exposure.  Even if you don’t meet your goal when it feels like everyone else in the world is meeting theirs, use the updates for a last ditch effort to advertise on the web.  Your thing will still show up in a Google searches while your campaign is up.

9. Go for 30 Days.  This one’s a no-brainer.  Kickstarter allows a maximum of 30 days to advertise.  Why go for anything less?

10.  Kickstarter’s not the only game.  Check out IndieGoGo and some of Kickstarter’s clones and copies.  They’re pretty much the same shitty thing, but don’t give up.  Believe in your dream or stop dreaming.